How NOT to go Broke in A Divorce

How NOT to go Broke in a Divorce
(What Divorce Attorneys DON'T Want You to Know)

by Rick D. Banks, Esq.

Divorce is an ugly word. No-one likes to think about the dissolution of a marriage; on your wedding day nothing was further from your mind than the possibility of it not lasting forever. Unfortunately, things don't always work out long term. When the time for divorce comes, both parties are usually stretched to the breaking point, emotionally and financially. Weathering the storm can be rough, and there always seem to be a hundred people telling you what to do - lawyers included.

Over the past years you and your spouse have become intricately entangled with each other's lives, and that includes your finances. Shared property (including your home and vehicles), investments, bank accounts, insurance policies - all of this must now be dismantled and parceled out. Who gets what? Each party gets half? That would seem fair - but a struggle to get a larger piece of the pie often sends couples racing to secure legal counsel and the lions share ends up in attorneys' bank accounts instead.

There is a way to keep this from happening, but trust me - your lawyers don't want either of you to know about it. They'll do their best to fan the flames, keeping you and your spouse at odds and insisting that 'for your own protection', you should only communicate lawyer to lawyer. Meanwhile they bill you for every phone call, document and court appearance.

Stop them in their tracks. You and your spouse worked hard for your financial security; divorce shouldn't mean both of you get bled dry! No matter what happened to cause your breakup, surely you would rather both walk away with something than hand it all over to strangers just for the satisfaction of 'winning' in court. Truth is, by the end of most vicious court battles everyone loses - except the lawyers.

Take steps to secure your future, starting with the following:

   1. Talk to your spouse. Despite what many divorce attorneys would have you believe, sitting down and having a heart-to-heart with your former significant other is not going to hurt you, as long as you can both keep it civil. You might find out that there aren't as many hard feelings as you thought - or that you can at least set your differences aside long enough to have a serious discussion.
   2. Take a good, hard look at your marital finances. Maybe one of you brought more into the marriage. Maybe one person worked while the other went to school. Maybe one of you stayed home and raised children while the other one worked. Perhaps there are state laws that entitle one partner to some sort of recompense. At this point it is easy for one or both partners to start talking about what they 'deserve'. Consider what you have to lose if you both have to shell out for extensive legal representation; and decide together if it is worth a nasty court battle when there might be very little left at the end for either of you.
   3. Consider your emotional health. Will the stress and anxiety of a long drawn out court battle do wither of you any good? Do you really want to inflict that on yourself, your erstwhile partner, or your children? Emotional strain can trigger even physical symptoms, and lead to depression as well. Think about how fighting a vicious legal battle could affect you, and consider other ways to dissolve the marriage and move forward.
   4. Consider trying for a 'friendly divorce'. If both parties are in agreement that the divorce must go forward, and neither side is contesting it, you may not need a lawyer for every little detail. If there are no children and assets can be fairly divided without contention, a divorce can be completed quickly. Even if there are children or assets, if the divorce is uncontested there are many parts of the process you can handle yourselves with the help of a mediator.
   5. Think about the future. How are you supposed to start over if you have nothing to start over with? Look at it this way - you can both support your divorce attorneys' lifestyles, or you can build new lives of your own. Which sounds better? Before you decide that the other person is 'out to get you' unless you 'get them first', why not ask? Too many couples run straight for the most shark-like attorney in town the minute divorce is mentioned, either to 'protect themselves and their interests' or to get 'revenge' on their spouse by 'cleaning them out'. All to often, it is their own pockets that turn up empty as the lawyers walk away counting the cash.

If you and your spouse can work things out between the two of you, you can avoid sinking into debt due to snowballing attorney's fees. A mediated divorce can leave both of you financially secure and able to begin your new lives without the stress of money worries.

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